Profile for Recycle Elf

Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity.

Teamwork…means never having to take all the blame yourself.

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A smile is the lighting system of the face, the cooling system of the head and the heating system of the heart.

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If you don’t know where you’re going how do you expect to get there ?

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Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment.

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Having one child makes you a parent; having two makes you a referee.

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Being yourself is being the person everyone else wants you to be.

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If you want truly to understand something, try to change it.

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Be of use, but don’t be used.

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Winners never quit and quitters never win.

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When in doubt, consult your inner child if it doesn’t come naturally, leave it.

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Sports do not build character. They reveal it.

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A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.

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Be nice to your kids . . . they’ll be the ones choosing your nursing home.

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I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.

 To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.

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They have to be clever, cunning, imaginative, dogged and wily, whereas society merely has to lean its weight a little.

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Copying from a single source is called plagiarism, copying from multiple source is called research.

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Always forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.

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If you’re not very clever you should be conciliatory.

Two things are infinite : the universe and human stupidity; I’m not sure about the universe.

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Money can’t buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

Patience is not a virtue, it is a waste of time.

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A lawyer with a briefcase can steal more than a thousand men with guns.

Nothing shows a man’s character more than what he laughs at. ¨

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I should keep my words soft and sweet in case I have to eat them.

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Pressure makes diamonds.

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Between thought and expression lies a lifetime.

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The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.

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Without a rich heart, wealth is an ugly beggar.

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Life is like a dream, sometimes it is good and somtimes it is bad, but in the end it is over.

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One thing I can give and still keep: my word.

Chuck Norris

Jokes

10. Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.

9. They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.

8. Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

 7. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.
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6. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

5. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

4. When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

3. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
 

 2. Fact: Chuck Norris doesn't consider it sex if the woman survives

1. Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.